A good story for bad days

I'm not sure why but I have had an unusually long string of bad days lately.
I didn't believe it was possible, but today I found out there is some truth to the old saying that no matter how bad things get, there's always someone worse off than you.

I was almost certain I could easily disprove that statement using evidence from the past week alone, so I decided to ask a friend of mine what songs he would recommend to someone who was fairly sure they were on the way to breaking the record for the most bad days in a row.
He gave me quite a few songs, which helped a little, but something else happened while we were contemplating life via Facebook chat.
I was reminded no matter how long my seemingly endless streak of bad days drones on, I'll never be as bad off as Job.
For those who may not know his story, Job is the man whose record I am unfortunately chasing, but fortunately will never come close to.
Job's biography can be read in the book of the Bible that bears his name, but for time sake I'll just hit the lowlights highlights.
Job was a very wealthy man.
Satan thought he could make Job curse God by causing horrible things to happen to him.
God let him try, and in one day...

• His enemies took his plowing livestock and killed all but one of his field servants.
• A lightning storm burnt up his sheep and all but one of his shepherds.
• The Babylonians took his camels and killed all but one of the servants looking after them.
• His 10 children were killed when wind blew down the house where they were eating.

Satan saw he couldn't get to Job through his wealth, so he asked God to let him cause Job pain.
God let him try, and in one day...

• He got sores all over his body.
• He had to scrape them with a piece of pottery, while he sat in ashes.
• His wife started nagging him.
• His friends started nagging him.

This went on and on -- for 42 chapters -- but Job didn't curse God, though he did eventually start asking Him some interesting questions, and got some even more interesting answers, but that's another story.
The point is, Job had some rough days, and he got through them and came out of them in better shape than he was before.
So, I choose to look at my seemingly never-ending string of bad days as a chance to grow, and, when they are over, I'll be better for having gone through them.
While I'm waiting for the string to stop stretching, I'll just listen to those songs my friend recommended.
I think I'll call them the Job mix.
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On typing and tests

This is weird, and I don't know what to think about it.
I am typing this post with a new keyboard in an effort to improve my typing speed, so I can, in turn, improve my prospects for employment.
There are several things wrong with this situation -- none of which are likely to get better as a result of this new contraption -- which I will explain as soon as I find the backspace key.
My situation is as follows:

* I have a four-year degree from a reputable university whose football team occasionally plays on ESPN, and, according to its advertising campaign, has several outstanding alumni, including a NASA astronaut and DeMarcus Ware.
* It took me almost five years to get said four-year degree, which is doing me little good right now since jobs in my field of study are either nonexistent or located in Barrow, Alaska.
* So, I searched high and low for alternate means of employment, and found what would be a good job with benefits and a nice chair.

This sounds great, I know, and it would be if I weren't required to pass a typing test.
I have tried on three separate occasions to pass the required test, which consists of re-typing as many fabricated business letters word-for-word as one can in a five-minute period.
Sounds easy, right?
It probably would be if I could type with a little more speed than it would take to mail a letter from Alabama to North Dakota using the Pony Express.
I've failed the test three times and counting so far, and -- to the facilitator's shock and amazement -- have managed to get worse each time.
So, grasping at straws, I switched keyboards.
I am trying to get used to the new one, but I don't think it will help, and here's why.



1. Some of the keys, namely the letters, are huge.
This would have been perfect if I were Paul Bunyan or Mr. Magoo.

2. The keys are loud.
Every time I use this keyboard it sounds like I am breaking up a parking lot with a jackhammer instead of typing a sentence.

3. Some of the keys are smaller, and in the wrong place.
Every time I try to hit "Shift" to use a capital letter, my cursor winds up in the "Labels for this post" box, costing me valuable time.
Presently, I have accidentally hit "Tab" 156,665,434 times, and it has taken me an episode of "Gilmore Girls," two episodes of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and half an episode of "That 70's Show" to type this post.

Wait a minute, it usually takes all those and two episodes of "That 70's Show" for me to type a post.
Maybe this thing helps after all.

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